Porn Stars For Peace and Other Creative Solutions To the Arab-Israeli Conflict

I recently published an article in Jewcy entitled The Five Most Creative Solutions To The Arab-Isrelil Conflict. While the article reflected on some of the strangest solutions that have actually been proposed, it left out some of the most wacky and made-up alternatives. So for your reading pleasure, here are some other solutions that did not make into the article. Olmert and Abbas, once again, please take note.

1. Smoking for peace: In the documentary “Encounter Point,” my friend Ali Abu Awwad suggests that since Israelis and Palestinians love smoking so much, we should make it a law that cigarettes can only be purchased from one’s enemy. Of course this would give both sides ample reason to blame each other for cancer, yet imagine how quickly peace would be achieved if it had the power of nicotine behind it.

2. The Angelina Jolie Solution: It is said that peace will come when we love our children more than we hate our enemy. Well, it is time to test this theory out. Forget land for peace. It is time for kids for peace. An exchange of children population based on a one to one ratio. Every Israeli family gets a Palestinian kid and every Palestinian family gets an Israeli kid.

3. Porn Stars For Peace: According to Freud, there is a direct causal connection between repressed sexual energy and aggressive behavior. The great Italian porn star Cicciolina understood this when in the 1990’s she offered herself to Saddam Hussein on condition that he would abandon his rule over Iraq. More recently, the aging vixen offered up the same deal to Osama Bin Laden. In her words: “It is time someone did something about Bin Laden, and I am ready to do it. I am ready to make a deal. He can have me in exchange for an end to his tyranny. My breasts have only ever helped people while Bin Laden has killed thousands of innocent victims.”

Following Cicciolina lead, I say the same deal goes for all the guys in Hamas (72 virgins got nothing on Jenna Jameson), the settlers (plough Tera Patrick not the West Bank), and the politicians in power (have you seen their wives?). Each one of these folks needs to get laid by a porn star (sponsored by the UN, of course). Only then will peace come.

Other ideas include: the Blairfore Declaration (Tony Blair bringing back the British Mandate over Israel/Palestine), monthly gay pride parades (what better way to unite extremist Jews, Muslims, and Christians – albeit against the gays), Falafel bake-off, transcendental meditation, Islam and Judaism as a timeshare, and an all-female government.

Now it is your turn – Let me know what you think is the most creative solution to this conflict.


5 responses to “Porn Stars For Peace and Other Creative Solutions To the Arab-Israeli Conflict

  1. solution 1: to install a chip in every person s brain that reacts to racist statements or actions giving and electricity discharge to the body.

    solution 2: the creation of a new E.T.GOD that becomes supreme to all religions and promise a sacred planet to each ancient religion, Mars to ones, Saturne to others…and earth to animals.

  2. That Jolie thing is brilliant. Huzzah.

  3. Cicciolina looks like a schizophrenic tranny. I’m not sure how much success she’ll have with her offers.

    How about a rewards card (just like the credit card companies have)? For every verifiable act of kindness or generosity that an Israeli or Palestinian shows to the other, they get one point. At the end of the year, they can cash those points in and earn rewards (like airline miles, hotel stays, even money). Big companies and wealthy individuals would probably have to fund it. But, hey, money talks! Israelis and Arabs are good business people. It might make sense to them. Make peace pay.

  4. Get together with the Russians, and kill them all.

  5. Outlaw religions. Or do like Ciccoilina says

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